Pint Sized Ego Killer

After four pregnancies, it is safe to say that the pre-mommy body is a thing of the past.  The skinny jeans are a slightly larger size than previously purchased, the clingy shirts are more carefully considered and undergarments require a bit more support than they did a few years back.  In return, I have four beautiful, healthy babies that mean the world to me.  They are my world.  In my eyes, it seems to have been a pretty good trade-off.  But, sometimes it's hard not to laugh at the harsh honesty of these beautiful children.

My adorable Baby Boy cornered me in the closet as I was changing shirts, tank top pulled up exposing more tummy than has seen the light in many years.  He stopped mid-sentence and quickly changed direction.

Baby Boy:  "Oh Momma, your belly!" *concerned look on his face*
Me:  "What's wrong with my belly?"
Baby Boy:  "Here Momma, put your shirt on your belly."  *attempting to pull shirt back down*
Me:  "So sorry!  Is my belly that offensive to you?"
Baby Boy:  "Yeah"

You won't get an argument from me - the belly clearly isn't bikini on the beach ready.  But, offensive to a three-year-old seems a bit harsh. 

Complicated Relationships

My daughter is a mature woman of the world. She has it all figured out. She is five ...

A recent conversation went something like this:

Diva: "When I am a big grown-up girl, I am going to marry Little Man and have a baby in my tummy."
Me: "Um, well ... people don't usually marry their brothers."
Diva: "But why not?"
Me: "They just don't.  It isn't a good thing to do."
Diva: "Then I can marry Daddy!"
Me:  "But Daddy is already married to Mommy."
Diva:  "That's okay, I can marry Kiki." (that would me by sister, her aunt)

Considering our geographical location, the jokes that could be made of this convo are pretty much endless.  But, in the eyes of a five-year-old, you marry someone that you love.  She simply picked her favorite people.  There is a lesson in there somewhere ...

It's All a Matter of Perspective

I try to be careful about what my kids see and do, attempting to cling to that last bit of childhood innocence for as long as possible.  A good job is done is most areas, although it does appear that there is some room for improvement.

Driving home from school with the radio on.  Momma can only take so much Radio Disney and Laurie Berkner CDs, so we were listening to a popular local station.  It's funny how you never really notice the lyrics ... until your parents or small children are in the car.

"My friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the Empire State"

As I am thinking that this isn't the most appropriate song, a little voice chimes in from the backseat:
LM: "Momma, this isn't a nice song."  *hmm, I couldn't agree more, but how do I explain this one?
LM:  "He's talking about a bathroom and we don't talk about that."

So, we both agree it isn't a good song for the four-year-old to be singing.  It's just the reasoning that differs a bit - potty talk vs drug use. 

I only hope we have a few more years where the worst thing he can think of is talking about a bathroom!

Eat More Chicken

Several years back, a friend and I temporarily lost our minds.  Together we have a total of six kids, two sets of perfect little stair steps, none of them over the age of 7.  Rewinding back a bit - there were five kids, including a newborn, and one very pregnant momma.  The timing couldn't have been worse, but we decided to make the best of it.  After all, it was Disney and we couldn't possibly miss it! 
It went surprisingly well, all things considered.  No one cried, we left with the same number of kids we started with and neither mom felt the urge to jump from the top balcony.  We were just about to proclaim it a success.  Everyone lined up and we headed up the stairs, out of the arena.  

As we exited, the conversation went something like this:
Mom #1: "What does Little Man have in his mouth?"
Mom #2: "I don't know.  I thought you gave him something."
*stopping to further investigate*
Mom #2:  "Popcorn chicken?"
Mom #1: "Um ... I didn't have any chicken.  Did you?"
Mom #2: "No"
Mom #1 "I don't remember even seeing any chicken at the concession stand ..."
Mom #2: "Yeah, I don't either."

Nachos, cokes, hot dogs, cotton candy ... but not chicken.  There was no chicken for sale that day.  And just like that - success denied.  If your kid eats food of unknown origin and unknown age at a public venue, it is an automatic fail!

A Party to Remember

We will be celebrating a very special birthday in our family this weekend.  Our Granny is turning 80.  Quite an accomplishment, especially in the eyes of a four and six-year-old.  Since we couldn't be in town for the actual birthday, Little Man and I decided to order some flowers and balloons to mark the occasion.  He was super excited about his purple flowers and even dictated exactly what the card would read ("I love you"). 

Diva wasn't able to go with us, but he couldn't wait to share the details when we picked her up from school. 
It went something like this:
LM: "We got flowers for Granny!"
Diva: "I wanted to go!"
LM: "You can't go.  You have to go to school.  We're going to have a birthday for her."
Diva:  "No we're not."
LM: "We ARE!  We are having a birthday party for Kiki's Granny that's going to heaven!"
Daddy: "She isn't planning on going there Sunday ... is she?"

While I am pleased to learn that Granny will be going to heaven, I would prefer not to be known as the one that hastened that journey. 
Well, that settles it.  We definitely won't be yelling "SURPRISE!!!" at that party!

Growing Pains

Halloween - not my favorite holiday for many different reasons.  One of these is the costumes.  I am admittedly cheap.  Costumes are not, unless you are talking about the quality.  Multiply that cost times three kids, divide by the only time they will be worn ... 
As I said, not a fan!

Imagine my delight when Diva and Little Man decided, completely on their own, that last year's costumes were perfect for this year.  Last year's ensemble cast included Mustard, Ketchup and a Hot dog.  All costumes were still presentable and fit, except Baby Boys (aka Hot dog).

After an extensive search (read: google search for  "toddler hot dog costume"), it wasn't looking good.  Then the week before Halloween, Momma scored a pretty good deal.  There would be a slight change to the line-up - Hot dog would be replaced by Hamburger for a grand total of $4.00.  Maybe this holiday isn't so bad after all ...

Fast forward to the long awaited night.  After school, we headed to Grandma's more kid-friendly neighborhood for the festivities.  My very excited Diva entered a crowded house and announced in perfect six-year-old volume:
"Mamou, Little Man and I are wearing our same costumes.  But, we had to get Baby Boy a new one 'cause he outgrew his weenie!"

That's my girl!  If you would like to contribute to Baby Boy's therapy fund, feel free to let us know.

Christopher Columbus ... The Real Story

I love hearing about my little Diva's school day on the ride back to the house.  In the approximately five minute drive, one can gain some real insight into the workings of a six-year-old mind.  From what was served in the cafeteria, who got in trouble on the playground or what she learned that day ... never a dull moment with Diva around.  In honor of the upcoming Columbus Day, Diva's class had been studying the story that has been taught for many years, that we all know so well.  Although, her version of the story was slightly different from what I learned a few years back.

Per Diva:
Christopher Columbus was trying to get to Indiana - the one where they have dots on their heads.  He ended up in Cuba instead.  The pinto boat sank, but that was okay because there were two more.

No wonder we can't pass a standardized test in this state!